Healing Disappointment

Let’s face it! There is always going to be the good friend that blows you off for a cute guy and the cute guy who wants to be with the other girl because she’s just a little bit cuter. There will always be that person who can’t handle being your shoulder to cry on or the person who can’t resist telling you what you are doing wrong. There will always be someone who doesn’t give you enough credit for your hard work and friends who insist on learning things the hard way despite your best efforts to help them avoid unnecessary heartache. There will always be people who are too afraid to do the right thing because it is too hard and who doesn’t know that one person you simply can’t count on to be on time or remember to do something important?

People who don’t know what to say, don’t know what to do, or don’t do enough will walk in and out of our lives every day. We have enough reasons to be disappointed to squeeze out every ounce of hope and joy we might possibly have for the rest of our lives. My understanding is that if God allows it to happen then it must be some sort of test in the fires of affliction meant to make us a little more like Christ.

Several years ago I was living with a friend. The longer we lived together the more we grew apart. We stopped seeing eye to eye on most things and it ate away at my spirit and consumed my mind. I talked to my small group at church about it and received the most brilliant advice ever…move out or change your expectations of your roommate. I expected my roommate to respond the way I wanted her to respond. I expected her to care as much as I did about my struggles. And if we disagreed about something, I expected her to realize that I was right :-). She expected all the same things from me so we were both huge disappointments to each other! All of a sudden we both had gigantic character flaws that made us less worthy of the other’s friendship and respect. Seems ridiculous, right?! I mean we are all adults and should be able to reason together!

For those of you who don’t struggle with this, God bless you, but I’m ashamed to say that I struggle with this on a daily basis in one way or another. Why do I expect perfection from imperfect people? I ask the question but I already know the answer…just another devilish scheme to create division and distract me from what’s important. I forget that God provides for my every need. He sometimes uses people to manifest that provision but that person is merely an instrument, not the source, of the provision. We can’t expect that person to be our source for everything. If we do, they will fail because they are human, not God, and we will, yet again, be disappointed.

It’s also important to remember that I too have been a disappointment to many people, many times. I thank God that He has given a countless number of people the grace to forgive me of my shortcomings. And I thank God that He has given me the grace to forgive others of their shortcomings. I wish I could say that I have forgiven everyone who has ever disappointed me, but I can’t. It’s hard! I feel like some people don’t deserve forgiveness, but forgiveness was never meant to be conditional. I mean, let’s face it! If forgiveness was conditional, we’d all be up #*%@ Creek, right (Romans 6:23)!

So, how do we heal disappointment? Well, it starts with forgiveness. It's amazing how healing forgiveness can be. Can we do it in our own power and strength? Sometimes not; so, we should all start praying before we end up wasting half our lives agonizing about how much people disappoint us?!!

That friend I mentioned above who blew me off for a cute guy also loved and supported me through a huge low point in my life. I am so thankful that God used her to help me through a difficult time. …Maybe I should cut her some slack!! :-)