You know, I've been feeling pretty unlucky in the love department lately and by lately I mean pretty much my whole life! :) It recently dawned on me that there has been a reason for all of the bad, unhealthy, and some "not so bad but things just didn't work out" relationships I've had in my lifetime. I'll get to that reason after I tell you about a few short experiences that will seem random but it'll all come full circle in the end! That's just how I roll!! :)

This picture is a sunset at the base of Arenal, an active volcano in Costa Rica. I was not actually there when this picture was taken. An adventure photographer who pretty much saved my life on a white water rafting trip took this shot (He was very attractive, by the way, but not the point!). I have stood as close as you can safely stand to this volcano and didn't see a thing because it was covered by clouds, but I heard it erupting and I swam in the hot springs that are heated by the lava of this volcano! It was incredible! Just a small sample of God's power and might right before my eyes! It was followed by a relaxing soak in the hot springs with a pina colada and a warm fountain of water from a tiny waterfall, beating down my neck and back, giving me a nice massage.

Several years ago I was on a short mission trip in Mexico and I went outside in the middle of the night to look at the stars. It was a remote area with very few buildings or lights to obstruct my view so I could see millions! I laid on the ground and just stared for awhile. I've never seen so many stars in my life. God even blessed me with three meteors! Again, it was incredible!

Many times I have visited the beautiful beaches of Roatan in the Caribbean. Cheap, weekend trips when you are a missionary in Honduras are to the Caribbean islands! Gotta love that, right!! Anyway, one of my favorite things to do is to watch the sunset there because the sun looks so huge and the colors are so beautiful reflecting off the ocean. It sets in a matter of minutes, which I also find fascinating but sad because it's over all too soon. :(

My last experience happened when I was driving home from house church the other night. I looked ahead of me and the moon was incredible! It was huge and almost completely full! It was this strange peach-ish color and I couldn't take my eyes off of it. It was just for me! A gift from God!

All of these things were gifts from God and I started to think about what I want in a man. I want a man who is strong, smart, and passionate. I want a man who makes me feel safe and comforts me after a hard day of getting beat up by my students with autism! :) I want a man who adores me enough to bestow amazing gifts on me like the sun, moon, and stars! I want a man who thinks I'm worth dying for! Then it dawned on me when I was staring at the moon the other night that I've had that man all along.

I've prayed often to feel God's love because even though I know He loves me I often feel so unloved by man. Unfortunately, it's the love of man that I've been aching for. I've been so consumed by that longing that I haven't been open to God's love. Why not? No man on earth could love me the way that God does! And when I thought about all that I wanted in a man, I realized that no one could possibly fit the bill except God! I could hear God's strength in the thunder of an erupting volcano! Really, ladies, tell me that doesn't make you weak in the knees! He knows exactly what I need and when I need it. And He knows it even better than I do! He is so passionate about me that He continues to come after me even though I keep running after others. That must break His heart over and over again but He never stops coming after me (Hosea 2:14-23)! I did mention the awesome massage earlier, didn't I?! No one can do it quite like God can! He has literally given me the sun, moon, and stars many times. And He took my place on the cross so that I did not have to die for my sins! And all this time I've been pleading with Him to bring on the love and joy cause I'm just not feelin' it!

I feel a little ashamed that I didn't realize that I could do better than all of those unsuccessful relationships. I feel foolish for praying for God to show me His love and then not recognizing His efforts because it doesn't look like I thought it would. It is so much bigger and better but I never saw it because my sight was so limited. I finally get it! I finally feel God's love and it's forever! Sweet!!!!!!!!